Volcano 1; Kaitlyn 1-ish

I should know better than to make fun of things. I pointed and laughed at the swine flu, and then I got it. Then I pointed and laughed at the volcano in Iceland (HOW COULD I NOT) and it not only causes my flight to be cancelled, but decides to stick it to thousands of other flights as well.

I have learned my lesson, oh ye Gods of the Volcano.

There is a bright side to this! Aer Lingus had a deal when we were planning to go to Paris, so we booked with them. Changing the dates of our flight wasn't a big deal at all! So now I'm going at the end of the month, and am spending this weekend in Cork instead. WIN!

However, I will still never mock volcanoes again. And it had better clear up by next weekend so I can still go to Amsterdam.

Rome, Old Men, and Other Random Happenings

I still can't believe that I was in Rome Monday night.

It was one of those things where I knew it was happening, but it seemed like it just... wasn't. You know. It was too incredible to be true. The city was BEAUTIFUL. There was so much history in such a small space: that blew me away. I wish I had been able to wander around the city for weeks, taking in all the sites and visiting all the museums. I didn't even scratch the surface, but here's a list of some of the places we went (I am bound to miss some): Trevi Fountain, the Coliseum, the Forum, Castel Sant'Angelo, the Vatican Museums (hence the Sistine Chapel and St. Peter's), the Spanish Steps, Piazza Novena, Piazza de Popolo, Trestevere. My life goal is now going back there one day, for longer, and doing so much more. I wish I had had more time to be there! I also wish we had done more on Sunday.

Here's the story on Sunday: we sat through Easter Mass and got soaked. It rained pretty much the entire time. Then we went back to where we were staying to warm up. The sun came out again, and I proposed that we go back into the city and see more. We promptly stayed in for several more hours =\ This wasn't a bad thing, because I still got to see a lot of the big places that I wanted to see, but it was a little annoying because, of course, what was one of the lines someone pulled out later when they wanted to do something and others of us wanted to stop and finally have a meal for the day? "Come on, we're in Rome, let's not waste time!"

... Yeah.

I've found that that's the thing about traveling in big groups, sometimes with people you don't know. Most of the time, you have a blast. But every now and then, you really want to punch someone's lights out. After that gem of a line, I promptly broke away for a bit and did my own thing with people who also weren't thrilled by that attitude, so it all worked out. Rome was still amazing!

I had a really cool day yesterday. I met up with these older gentlemen to interview them for my project, and they were so sweet! They had some really great things to say. I also ran into a guy who not only helped me get to the interview, but helped me find my way back to the city center as well- I was very out of my depth in the part of town I had to go to, and he was really cool about helping me out. It was one of those encounters that was just really nice, you know? The guy didn't have to help me, but he did, and that was cool.

So yeah. Things are winding down over here, and its still hard to believe. I go to Paris in a week, and Amsterdam in two. I'm still waiting to hear about the ND summer job I applied for, as well as about my grant. Then I'll be able to figure out everything in between: I know Meg wants me to stay here longer so the two of us can visit, but I know I'm going to be ready to go home at that point. We'll see what happens.

Also, I feel like I had something else to talk about, but I can't remember what. Oops. Maybe I will remember and actually update this blog in a timely fashion.

... Stop laughing.

Oh, an Update!

So yes. I'm a punk who never updates her blog. We all knew this was going to happen: is anyone really that surprised?

...

I thought so. But yes. I'm trying to recall what's happened since the last blog post. Many things, methinks. I will probably forget at least half of them. Sorrrrrrrrrrrry. I can console myself over this with the fact that I haven't updated because I have been busy LIVING. And THAT is awesome.

First of all, I just need to say: this may ramble a bit because I am HUNGRY. Coffee hour is an an hour and two minutes. FREE FOOD I SHALL DEVOUR YOU.

That said. Let's rewind to the beginning of March! That sounds like a good place to start to me. So I panicked over my grant and lined up many many different summer opportunities. So if I don't get my grant, the world is still my oyster. (And I have to admit: while I still want the grant, I also kind of want to be in South Bend, too. I'd miss home and the home friends and everything, but there is also a certain someone that I would not mind spending all my time with ;) )

But yes, that whole thing blew over, and now I have a phone interview on Wednesday for an ND job, a job in the sociology department if I want that, a job at the Architecture library if I want that, and the grant application in.

First weekend in March: class trip to Kenmare! 'Twas awesome. We stayed in a nice hotel, ate well, learned hurling, went hiking, drove many, many places. I got sick at the end, which sucked, but immediately following that was AWESOMENESS!

Why? Because Keatley was here!!! We did all sorts of things. We went to Kilkenny and Howth and the Guinness Storehouse (where I had the worst Guinness ever, actually. It was bitter and gross and we have no idea how it happened but it did) and the Jameson Distillery and Kilmainham Gaol and Dublin Castle and Christ Church Cathedral and had many good pints. It was pretty much the shit.

Then Keatley went home =( I did a bunch of thesis work last week, so I'm closer to being done! WOO!

St. Patrick's Day was CRAZY in Dublin. So crazy. I can't handle how crazy it was. But it was still good.

This weekend was... interesting. We didn't have power in the middle of the day on Saturday in the dorms because of work being done. Then my apartment didn't have hot water Saturday afternoon, Sunday morning, or this morning. And I think I know why: when the power went out, one of my roommates had her shower on, and then she wasn't sure if she had turned it off.

She hadn't. She didn't come back to the dorm again until this morning.

Yeah. LAME. But tomorrow it should be back! YAY HOT WATER!!

So that brings us kind of up to date. Hopefully I will stay on track now, but no guarantees. It's the north this weekend, then Rome next weekend. Then a weekend here. Then BAM! Paris and Amsterdam! Top it off with exams and finishing the research... good times, eh? Just gotta let 'em roll.

My Mind is a Twisted Place

After some reflecting, I have decided that last night was a strange night. I do not know if it was something I ate- or didn't eat, as the fact may be- or is my mind just decided that it was time to Hash Shit Out and therefore it decided that torturing me was not completely out the realm of things it likes to do.

That said, it was not really that bad. I had the strangest dream, but I think I have successfully resolved that. The only problem is that I thought it was resolved before. Maybe it has been resolved all along, and I am just now realizing it. Who knows. The subconscious is a strange, strange thing.

The other mental roundabout of the evening was the grad school debate. Yes, it rages on. I realized this summer that it was assumed- even by myself- that I was going to grad school for sociology, and I am not sure that that is what I really want to do. I think it's interesting and I love it, but I'm not sure that pursuing it academically is for me. Yes, this DOES plunge my future into abject poverty, but let's face it: I've been heading the dirt poor route for some time now. Part of the problem with this is that it seems like a waste: I have struggled and worked hard to go above and beyond and sociology, and I'm not sure it's what I want to do with the rest of my life. I like many aspects of it, but I am not sure that I have what it takes to excel in the field. I am afraid that I would be working hard and striving all the time, and one thing doing this project this semester has taught me is that I can't do this all the time. I just can't. I am not sure that I am cut out for it.

And the more I think about it, the more I think I want to go for my MFA in creative writing. This opens up a whole other flow of thoughts of inadequacy and not being good enough. I know, I sound like I'm begging for sympathy and pitying myself like crazy, but it's actually not that at all. Or, well, not entirely. I am trying to be objective about it and recognize my own shortcomings, and to be realistic. My writing style isn't really what grad schools are looking for, I think. I think they want a more modernist approach, and I quite honestly think that that has its merits in some ways, but for the most part is absolute crap. It works for some people, but not for me. So, if my writing is even good, I am not sure that I would be able to get into an MFA program with it. I'm not even sure I'd be able to put together a decent portfolio in time to apply. But assuming that I get my act together and apply to places I want to go, I can't shake the feeling that my odds of getting in are slim to none. Perhaps this is my pessimism at its strongest.

I started considering this dilemma last night while at the pub. If I get the MFA, I want to be a writing professor. I have realized that, I have recognized it, and now I want it. If I don't get the MFA, I think I may want to go into publishing. But I could also go after the sociology PhD and teach students how to write soc papers, a skill which I am learning is both difficult and elusive, and no one seems to be able to find a consensus on it.

What I might end up doing, to both my and my parent's chagrin, is applying for both. Applying to like five soc programs and five MFA ones, and letting the dice fall where they may. The compromise in this sounds delightful, but part of me wonders if its actually a smart path or not.

Clearly, I label my own lacking confidence as a strict eye to what I consider realistic and unrealistic. This could be either good or bad.

And Three Weeks Later...

Let's not talk about the fail inherent in my lack of updating, mmkay? For the record, I knew this would happen. I get so distracted. Blogging is definitely low on the list of things I have to keep up with: it makes me sad, because I would like to have to time to do this, but I am so busy all the time. No joke. And that is not going to change anytime soon.

I have to admit, I've been preoccupied by how busy things have been lately. I spent the weekend in Dublin for the first time this weekend since the second week I was here. It was nice: we celebrated many birthdays! Kristin's sister threw her a surprise party from the States, and we all had a blast. I went to my first Irish club, which was fantastic. Then Kayla made AMAZING chili for Jackie's birthday. I got a decent amount of work done, and tried Irish ice cream (which, for the record, is AMAZING. It is really creamy instead of really sweet, and so very, very good).

I am all over the place in the post. Don't worry: I realize this. I just have so much to catch up on! I am going to try my best to do so.

So, backing all the way up: we went to London at the end of January. As one friend later summarized it after her own trip: the British stole SO MUCH STUFF. It was a wonderful trip, and we did so much! We were staying at a hostel right down the street from the Natural History Museum, so we went there. Then we walked to Trafalgar Square, going past Buckingham Palace and spending a little bit of time in the National Gallery. We saw Avenue Q on West End. We walked all along the Thames, and went to the Globe. But by far, I think my favorite part was going to the British History Museum. I mean, yes, if my culture's precious artifacts had been stolen by the Empire back in the day, I'd be pissed, but it was such an amazing museum (that is my overused word in the post). I couldn't see enough of it. I wanted to see everything, but it closed before I could. I would love to spend an entire day there sometime, just wandering through the halls and marveling at it all. I have never felt so small as I did there, and never been so aware of so many different things that exist in this world.

The next weekend, we went to Galway. It was a little self-serving of me to insist that we go: I needed to make the trip for my thesis, surveying people on the train as we went (which went really well, both times that I've done it now). The city itself was so beautiful. The part we were in was kind of touristy, but still- there is a certain charm in the small cities of Ireland that you just can't beat.

Then we went to Dingle, a small seaside town. It was a little dull because it's the off season, but it's part of the Gaeltacht, so I really wanted to go. I was a little disappointed: there was little to no spoken Irish to be heard there in the everyday context. At the last bar we went to on our six pub pub crawl, one guy said a brief phrase and one of the girls with him said: "Don't speak that language to me." It was so sad. I think, that in the everyday context, the language really is on its last legs, and that is a shame.

That, I think, brings us to the present moment. I have been working hard on the thesis, cueing the above nostalgia. I am trying hard to make contacts at the school, and have succeeded in getting two, with two more to go. Every now and then, while my fascination with the project does not cease, my interest in the work does. I regret taking on such a huge project that preoccupies my time, my traveling. I have heard so many interesting things, and has some great conversations, but it's frustrating to know that I still have a ton of work ahead of me, and time is slipping away, the sand from the hourglass falling between my fingers even as I desperately try to catch it.

I cannot help but to count the days. this weekend: friends of friends in town. Next weekend: trip to the West, Keatley comes. The weekend after that: Keatley will still be here. The weekend after that: spring break, hopefully doing some fun traveling, otherwise it will be thesis work. The weekend after that: trip to Northern Ireland. Then Easter in Rome, a weekend here, Paris, Amsterdam, exams for two weeks, and then home. You see how the time cleverly escapes? I am terrified that I will not finish in time, and that I will have to stay longer.

So yeah. That's things in a nutshell right now: I am scrambling between trying to fit in all the fun and the thesis work and the actual class work. I endeavor to drive myself crazy, as per usual.

Hopefully I will update better from here on out.

So tired

So I just got back from a whirlwind trip to Galway. SO AWESOME. It is such a beautiful city. It was really foggy today, but yesterday it was kind of sunny and the coast there is gorgeous.

I had full Irish breakfast this morning, and I officially declare that to be the most ridiculous meal ever. I was full from that until around 7 this evening.

I forgot to blog after going to London. In short, it was awesome. Also in short, life is pretty awesome right now. As an explanation to the shortness, I am tired. I started this thinking I could make it through it, but the fact is, no, I can't. So I'm going to bed and will update better tomorrow, with any luck at all.

Bailey's, Butterscotch Schnapps, and Half-and-Half

I.e. the most delicious drink EVER. We discovered the Dandelion Bar and Cafe last night, where the deals are pretty freakin' sweet. Five euro cocktails, buy one get the second one free pints, and two for the price of one meals. WIN.

The atmosphere of the place was also rockin'. It was kind of a trendy, hipster-esque place, but at the same time was a classy establishment. Half nightclub, half high end restaurant. The music was pretty good, the drinks were excellent, and basically we had a fantastic time. We all agreed that we have to go back sometime in the near future. It's not quite the Irish pub experience, but I think we're ready to change it up a little (yes, two weeks in and it's time for a change already. Aren't we fickle!)

I'm getting increasingly pumped for London this weekend, and increasingly terrified of my research. Sometimes, it seems to be going great, and other times it seems to be careening out of control. I flip-flop between feeling like I'm really comfortable with my schedule and feeling really stressed and like I've already fallen behind. AUGH IT IS LAST SEMESTER ALL OVER AGAIN WHY WHY WHY. It doesn't help that I also keep remembering other things that I want/need to do, in addition to socializing, traveling, schoolwork, and the research: volunteering, writing groups, working on my own writing, transcribing for a little extra cash on the side.

I keep telling myself that I can do it all. I have plenty of time to do it all. But then I lay things out, and wow, it looks more and more like the semester is going to fly by. London this weekend, then hopefully two weekends of project trips, a weekend in the city for someone's friends, possibly a free weekend, trip to the West of Ireland, Keatley's here, then a weekend of spring break that will hopefully be spent traveling, trip to the North of Ireland, Rome, three weekends in April for more traveling if all goes well, two weekends in May of studying or traveling around Ireland, and then the weekend of going home.

It doesn't always feel like enough time. I know I will get everything done, because I have no other option, but I'm still kind of frightened. I'm hoping that it will pass after today.